I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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