check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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