just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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