I cockslap morals
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
