tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
