I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How's work?
Spinning.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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