I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
