What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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