Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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