I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
