Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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