the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
