He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize