ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
