Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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