she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
