I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
