i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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