drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
