careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
