i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
