I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize