chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
