Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
