My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
