I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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