we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
