Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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