Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
