how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
