you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
