are you so shy because you have an std?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
there is glitter all over my balls
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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