I looked at my own cervix.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
