i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
