i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
