They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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