were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize