i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
