Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
