If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
