she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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