yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
