he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
