he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
