so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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