I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
