You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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