yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
