I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
