Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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