What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
