I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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