Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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