I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I need help removing her.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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