we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
