Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
