I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
