Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
