highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
