I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
