I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
