So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
should my penis look like a turkey
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That was an excessively violent trivia night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
