she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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