so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
porn star boner night. come get it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize