my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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