K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
