Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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