but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
