you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
