I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
And then he peed in my hair
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