how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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