Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
