Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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