it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
