i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
