We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize