'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
