doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
