her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
