No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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