I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
