I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
