He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
