that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
