I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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