Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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