i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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