is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
