I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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