OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
