so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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