I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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