i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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