Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
