OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We have started to decorate penises.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
