Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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