I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize