I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
