Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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