3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
