If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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