Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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